3 Too-Real Things Feminists Understand

When I’m in a group with other feminists who share similar experiences, I find myself overly affirmative. Every fifth word that comes out of my mouth is “YAAAAAAS.”

These are my girls; they know what the fuck I’m talking about; and they’re into activism just as much as I am. I can’t help but feeling comfortable enough to open up about my struggles through oppression against my identity as a gay woman.

That being said, I also notice a lot of issues I have being a feminist.

1. My white feminist friends refuse to address race (or intersectionality).

Hi there, I’m white. I recognize that in almost every context, I have the power because of my skin color. I think it’s fucking ridiculous and that’s why I’m a feminist.

I am very aware of the discrepancies of access based on race. I am very aware that even as a white person talking about race, I can perpetuate white fragility or a white savior complex. I try my hardest not to. I’d like to see other feminists operating under the same standard of checking your privilege of every context you enter, especially in conversations about race.

Buzzfeed

If you’re a white person reading this and thinking to yourself, “well, I’ve never had a problem with race as a feminist,” YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. How about shutting up for a second and listening to someone else’s experiences? Feel free to click on all of the above article links placed on key words to learn more about actual feminism.

Believe me, the problem is systematic and it will take hard work/dedication to revise it. But if you consider yourself a feminist, make race a priority so that we can change the way the world looks at us and other people. Complacency is still oppression.

Centipedes Tumblr

2. Dating is hard.

I rarely find someone who I can communicate with on an intellectual level that matches mine without risking a friendship. I have to prioritize whether I want/need a friendship or intimate relationship. Often, I need the friendship. 

Astroglide

There are a lot of queer intersectional feminist womxn, but I have not found one in person who is worth my time and also a not already my friend/aqaintance. The reason I say this is because 1.) I want to intentionally make time for this person to be a part of my life because mine is so busy, 2.) girls have lied to me about their ideologies in order to get me to like them, and 3.) I have to reach pretty far to find someone new to add to the dating pool.

I want the person who I connect with to be on the same page as me so I can feel safe and heard.



3. We’re made fun of for being feminists.

I’m finding that as I write this, I’m getting angry and angrier. As feminists, we see a lot of injustices that others might not see around them. I had a conversation recently where a man was being stupidly racist. When I confronted him, I was ridiculed for it and not defended by the other feminists in the room.

Marie Claire

Why should that piss me off? He was a white, hetero, cisgender male who couldn’t even conceptualize why his racism was a problem. And because he couldn’t, he felt uncomfortable. Because he felt uncomfortable, he silenced me in order to feel comfortable, which makes me irate.

Navigating these types of conversations is almost impossible unless you’ve been trained in communication. I was forced to leave the room because I was representing more than just myself (the entire movement) and couldn't risk my anger endangering the message. I have a serious problem with that, especially considering the image feminists get in the media.

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