Somewhere in my communication and body language, people interpret some false confidence. I perceive their interpretation as false, but maybe it’s not. After repeatedly being told that my confidence is inspirational, I reflected on what exactly they were picking up on.
1. I take up space.
I learned that the science behind body language is transformative. When you stand like Superwoman, your body responds with confidence. Amy Cuddy conducted a study that concluded when a person takes a “power stance,” it produces neuroendocrine and behavioral responses that contribute to higher confidence.
In taking up this practice, I have more respect for my body and the messages I send in certain contexts. Usually, I will sit in a classroom setting and try to make myself as small as possible so that the professor won’t call on me when I don’t have the answer. When I’m confident about the topics of conversation, I open my body up to indicate to the people around me that I have something to say and it’s important.
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| Rebloggy.com |
1. I take up space.
I learned that the science behind body language is transformative. When you stand like Superwoman, your body responds with confidence. Amy Cuddy conducted a study that concluded when a person takes a “power stance,” it produces neuroendocrine and behavioral responses that contribute to higher confidence.
In taking up this practice, I have more respect for my body and the messages I send in certain contexts. Usually, I will sit in a classroom setting and try to make myself as small as possible so that the professor won’t call on me when I don’t have the answer. When I’m confident about the topics of conversation, I open my body up to indicate to the people around me that I have something to say and it’s important.
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| Slate.com |
I grew up in a context that didn’t allow me the freedom to express my thoughts, opinions, needs, or desires. The community around me cared about vastly different perspectives than mine. After a long period of trying to squeeze myself into a box to fit the community, I smashed the hell out of that box and put myself before the community.
Maybe that contrasts something you know about me, which is that I love to help people. I love to liberate and create value around different experiences. I wasn’t able to reach this healthy value without separating myself from the dominant culture that harmed me and reflecting on my own experience. Equipped with the means to help myself, I can help others and reintegrate myself into a community that will help me, too.
Maybe that contrasts something you know about me, which is that I love to help people. I love to liberate and create value around different experiences. I wasn’t able to reach this healthy value without separating myself from the dominant culture that harmed me and reflecting on my own experience. Equipped with the means to help myself, I can help others and reintegrate myself into a community that will help me, too.
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| Low End Theory |
Yeah! Fuck you. Fuck that. Fuck this. I’m loud. I curse. I don’t perform how the patriarchy wants me to perform because I DON’T CARE TO. Fuck the man. I have a voice and I don’t give a rat’s ass if you don’t want to hear me.
Don’t get me wrong; I care about some things, like my passions. What I don’t care about is conforming. That often means I have to say “fuck you” to something that may be harming me, even if other people approve of it hurting me.
[To be clear, I am attempting to show the distinction between my expletives being directed at someone in order to harm them versus an external expression of what’s happening internally.]
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| ZombiePussyLiquor on Twitter |
4. I’m unapologetic.
My being unapologetic is crucial to my confidence (and arguably a defense mechanism).
I’m conditioned to apologize for bumping into a lamp post. Most of us have had that moment where we laugh at ourselves for apologizing to an inanimate object. Why do we do this? Sure, I am sorry when I bump into someone, but I’m not really that sorry. I just apologize to make the other person feel better, or to escape the embarrassment of taking too much space, or even to keep up the appearances that I’m a kind person.
In order for me to hold onto my confidence, I try not to concern myself with what everyone else is thinking about me or how I measure up to someone else.
I won’t apologize for saying “fuck” all over my blog because this is my context. You’re in my home. If a child under the age of 8 happens to read my blog, I’m not going to apologize or censor myself because I feel that it invalidates my experience of nonconformity to normalized standards. I do try to moderate my behavior based on other contexts, but that moderation drowns my identity most of the time.
I am so used to being “moderate” with my behavior that my genuine emotions seem irrational. I'm often told that my emotions and expressions are, in fact, irrational and should be put under more control, even when I'm certain that my reactions are necessary and revealing. Don't excuse me for being human!
I’m conditioned to apologize for bumping into a lamp post. Most of us have had that moment where we laugh at ourselves for apologizing to an inanimate object. Why do we do this? Sure, I am sorry when I bump into someone, but I’m not really that sorry. I just apologize to make the other person feel better, or to escape the embarrassment of taking too much space, or even to keep up the appearances that I’m a kind person.
In order for me to hold onto my confidence, I try not to concern myself with what everyone else is thinking about me or how I measure up to someone else.
I won’t apologize for saying “fuck” all over my blog because this is my context. You’re in my home. If a child under the age of 8 happens to read my blog, I’m not going to apologize or censor myself because I feel that it invalidates my experience of nonconformity to normalized standards. I do try to moderate my behavior based on other contexts, but that moderation drowns my identity most of the time.
I am so used to being “moderate” with my behavior that my genuine emotions seem irrational. I'm often told that my emotions and expressions are, in fact, irrational and should be put under more control, even when I'm certain that my reactions are necessary and revealing. Don't excuse me for being human!
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